I’m sure every blogger, Internet abuser, and human with Wi-Fi access has their own blog rotation too. Depending on the day, I have a morning routine with checking social media, blogs, and news updates.
If it’s a weekend, I pray I didn’t send anything dumb because of my relentless debauchery the night before. Sometimes I’m lucky, other times I sinking into my bed thinking how idiotic I can be at times, even if it’s innocent.
I check Twitter because that’s the best place where all the wise communicate with the world. President Trump uses Twitter all the time. As outrageous of a thought that is, it drives me insane when all the funny people I Follow, Tweet unfunny hate thinking they are being witty. Political Twitter is the WORST.
Twitter is the best place to get live news updates over News Sites themselves. Most News Sites have Twitter handles, but the actual people on the ground are better sources of information if the situation is on-going.
Jokes. I’ve been on a Twitter Rampage all morning Tweeting stuff that makes me laugh. Some of my Tweets are dumb, not all my jokes are funny. But if I scroll down my timeline and get a smirk from myself, I am okay with that. I realize this is kind of like talking to myself and having a moment with my brain, an oddity I accept.
Here’s a list of the people I follow on Twitter, here are some of my favorites:
@ollymoss – Graphic Designer/Artist, Worked on the game Firewatch, Very witty.
@_FloridaMan – Tweets about the mini country Florida, that we claim as a State in the US. If you hear a crazy story involving drugs, cops, and complete absurdity, it’s location is 85% Florida.
@shutupmikeginn – Tweets funny jokes that will make you laugh, trust me
@miel – Tweets jokes, posts funny song videos, etc.
@JOEL9ONE – Patriots Defensive End, Tweets jokes, interacts with normal people, likes Science stuff
@midnight – TV Show at 11:30 EST Comedy Central
@aparnapkin – Comedian, Tweets jokes, is funnier than me.
@ShooterMcGavin_ – Tweets like the character Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore
@ConanOBrien – Comedy gold
I look at my notifications first, read and comment back my thoughts, then check the Reader. Sometimes I Search things. Sometimes I don’t because I have to start the day. Sometimes I write a blog post, depends on what’s going on. There is over a foot of snow outside at the moment. I heard it’s summertime in Australia right now. I also heard the primary speaking language in Australia is Screaming, because of all the nature that can kill you. Guess we both have it bad.
Game Informer is my favorite video game website. They are the only business on the planet that I have a monthly magazine subscription to. Yes I still read magazines outside of doctors offices! Now that I think about it, I should probably subscribe to National Geographic as well, because nature is fascinating. Here’s a fun fact I heard on Joe Rogan’s podcast featuring bow hunter Adam Greentree about nature that’ll blow your mind:
Wolves eat their prey then when they poop, the Earth dissolves the poop matter (yuck) into the dirt and food that the prey eats. This then acts as a poison that deteriorates the preys lung capacity.
If you were to ask me to do an algebra problem right now, I’d sit there blankly poking myself in my eyes because I forgot how to do simple math. But if you asked to drop trivial nature knowledge bombs on everyone’s faces, I’d make it rain.
Barstool is the wild-west of the Internet. Growing up in Boston and not hearing of Barstool means you’re a dead person. You’re not physically alive because it’s the most popular website and media outlet in the city.
They are bigger now so they are located in New York City with a pretty sweet setup. They blog about Sports, Pop-culture, News, etc. Each blogger has their own schtick and covers different material. One of my favorite bloggers is KFC, because of his hate. He once pissed off the entire country of Honduras. He’s undefeated in every Twitter War he’s fought in. An impressive feat nonetheless, most Twitter Wars result in deletion of Twitter accounts.
El Presidente aka Dave Portnoy aka Brick by Brick aka Man of the People etc. etc. etc. etc. is the mastermind behind the madness of Barstool. I and every like-minded Masshole am grateful for his desire to take over the Internet.
A concept I’ve thought about more times than I can count, but couldn’t execute it to perfection the way Ben Thompson, the owner of the site, does it. I’m a little late to the BOTW party, so I have a lot of catching up to do. I’ve also learned about the Baddest of all Asses this planet, Aliens planets, and galaxies have ever seen. And it’s like these guys (and women) don’t even blink! I feel like such a pansy after reading every article. Nothing like waking up on a Monday morning, reading a story about some badass and immediately feeling inferior and less of a man to start the day!
Here are some examples of the types of people who are featured:
- Joe Beyrle – After escaping a Nazi POW camp, this American paratrooper joined up with the Red Army and continued kicking Fascist ass.
- Virginia Hall – 30 year CIA and OSS veteran who spent all of WWII working behind German lines with the French Resistance. She’s the most-decorated female spy in American history, and she did it all with a wooden leg.
- Peter Freuchen – Peg-legged Danish polar explorer who lived with the Inuit, amputated his own toes with pliers, and once escaped certain death by making a knife out of his own frozen shit.
- Wayne O’Mahoney – 41-year old naked British Army vet beats the hell out of three guys trying to jack his car.
- Stanislav Petrov – The man who single-handedly saved the planet from annihilation by disobeying a direct order to launch nuclear warheads at the United States.
- Andrei Sakharov – Created the biggest bomb in human-history, received the Nobel Peace Price.
- After reading this post, read up on some of these Badasses
That last one about Andrei Sakharov made me audibly laugh. So outrageous, so great.
Hey all you movie writers out there reading this post, here is a list of 100+ stories to be made into films. Stop giving me remakes of Ghostbusters and Red Dawn, and start giving me all these badasses the limelight they deserve!
There you have it. A look through my eyes every morning. I wish I was staring at a beautiful sunset overlooking the ocean as waves crashed the beach. I’m trying to talk to as many travel bloggers I can find to get the secrets into their magical happiness of adventure and bumbling excitement from traveling.
I guess that’s a whole other blog post in itself. If you traveled to a foreign country alone, leave a comment and let’s establish some sort of connection filled with witty banter so I can be waking up on a beach, rather than ashamed I don’t live a badass-fueled life at the moment…
I’m coming for that ass Italia!