MasterChef Junior is Awesome

One kid stated in the first episode that he started cooking when he was 3.

I couldn’t even tie my shoes at 3, nevermind make food for myself. I struggled in college even thinking of what to eat, and this is from a fully…fully-developed brain. Not a giggly child.

Masterchef Junior is like the “Kids Say The Darnest Things”, but with cooking, mixing different ingredients I didn’t know existed creating dishes that blow my mind and I imagine my taste buds as well.

I’ve hopped onboard at Season 2 and been hooked ever since. It’s currently hosted by Gordon Ramsay (Seasons 1-) and Christina Tosi (Season 4-). Past judges included Graham Elliot (Seasons 1-4) and Joe Bastianich (Seasons 1-3).

Another kid claimed to be a seafood specialist and his friends gave him the nickname “King of the Sea”. Nothing like getting upstaged from coolness by a 9 year old.

Season 5 is the current season and the second episode airs on this Thursday (tonight) at 8pm EST.

The first two episodes focus on narrowing down the Top 40 home cooks to 20 by competing in cooking challenges 4 chefs at a time, 2 get selected. Then the competition excelerates where they compete to be the next Master Chef Junior.

One round could be to copy the exact same dish Gordon Ramsay made. Other rounds give a list of ingredients or a style of food; French, Italian, and the young chefs must make their best judgements on creativity, plating, and overall course to serve. Some events are baking, crafting desserts, using seafood, meats, etc. The most well-rounded young chefs are the one’s who will make it the farthest.

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I joke that I’m going to strategically watch Master Chef Junior and comment on how amazing it is 24/7 around my cousins kids, they are 3ish in age, in hopes of them becoming chef prodigies and I can piggyback off of their newfound success. I’d be eating like a king. Like a GOD. I’d be a part of a weird entourage. Rolling deep into 5 star restaurants with my 8 year old chef prodigy of a cousin like it ain’t no thang.

I’d suddenly become viewed as a respectable 20-somethings wise beyond his years member of the group. Until they see me pounding champagne originally set as a decoration at the table and my cover is blown.

(But with Champagne)

I always here guys who talk about their hypothetical children one day, let me backtrack mid-sentence, I don’t always hear guys talk about their hypothetical future sons, but if it were to come up, these things are mentioned:

1. Guitar lessons early – girls for days
2. Sports – introduce weight lifting and mobility
3. I had a lot more and my brain is mush so that’s it…how disappointing 

Cooking is never mentioned once. I wish cooking was introduced to me at an earlier age. I mean I used to bake Christmas cookies at an elite level at my Grandma’s house every year but I wasn’t making steak dinners on a Tuesday for the fam.

It’s mind boggling how knowledgeable these young chefs are. When I was 8 years old all I cared about was coming home from school to have miniature wars in my living room with my plastic Army Guys. If Gordon Ramsay himself, plucked me from my living room and into the MasterChef Junior arena it’d be like stepping on the Moon for the first time. Deer in the headlights. Equivalent of trying to make the mental calculation of 29382342 times 34r343892, is their an r in there?

I’d be this kid. Can’t even get the damn jar of mayonnaise open. I’m gonna go on a brief tangent about mayo. I enjoy mayo on my sandwiches, subs, and BLT’s hold the T. However, each time I have a mental struggle spreading it across the bread. It’s like mayo is a bomb and I have to defuse it or else I’m going to throw up because it looks like shite. I do it with my eyes closed. It’s quite the spectacle to see. Too much of it makes me gag. If a serial killer were to kidnap me and my two options were: “1. I kill you right now no questions asked 2. You have to jump in a pool of mayo and eat your way out”, I’d be dead. RIP me. Might as well go out with my dignity instead of a vomit-filled mess. (Disclaimer: Any future serial killers of mine, this is sort of a joke so give me a few seconds to explain myself before my instantaneous execution.)

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Also Gordon Ramsay isn’t a prick like he is on all of his other TV Shows towards the contestants. Personally, I love his sarcastic condescending remarks, and I think once Gordon Ramsay had kids of his own he lightened up a bit. Couldn’t even imagine what he would say if he kept his persona from Hell’s Kitchen–tears, confusion and complete disbelief an adult can spew together so many curse words in one sentence. That would be appointment television, but hurting kids feelings one F-bomb at a time isn’t what the world wants. It might be what the world needs, it would create an entire generation of conniving little bastards who watched safely from the confinements of their homes, but America can’t be having that at this time.

Maybe when WWIII kicks off, little John Rambo’s playing with plastic Army Guys like myself will turn on the TV one day and be influenced by the unfiltered madness Gordon Ramsay emits resulting in a carved out strategic battle-planner by day, and a loudmouth curse-filled profanity speaking 8 year old on a hate-filled rampage against all those who stand in his way by night.

So if you need something entertaining, something that will make you feel inferior as an able-bodied adult, and something that will blow your mind one delicious and miraculously perfected dish at a time, MasterChef Junior is for you.

Maybe a condiments post is coming in the future. I’ll reshame Mayo for it’s audacity to co-exist among some of the Greats like Ketchup and Mustard…

*GIFs from giphy.com
*Featured Image IMDb.com