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The Race

The Last Great Race On Earth

You can’t compare it to any other competitive event in the world! A race covering 1000 miles of the roughest, most beautiful terrain Mother Nature has to offer. She throws jagged mountain ranges, frozen rivers, dense forests, desolate tundra and miles of windswept coast at the mushers and their dog teams. Add to that temperatures are far below zero, winds that can cause a complete loss of visibility, the hazards of the overflow, long hours of darkness and treacherous climbs and side hills, and you have the Iditarod. A race extraordinare, a race only possible in Alaska. From Anchorage, in south central Alaska, to Nome on the western Bering Sea Coast. – Iditarod Home Page

For some context – the race takes on average 8-9 days to complete. In the 70’s it took on average in the 15-20 day range. To win in todays era, you need to have the biggest set of cajones across all the land (the women who compete are more courageous than 99% of the slimeballs graduating university this year). A hazardous adventure puts the teams against -50F+ temperatures so cold they would make your eyes bleed, wind so vicious it gives your cheek bones paper-cuts, 1,000 miles of pure unfiltered Mother Nature mayhem, and the occasional local drunk asshole heading home from the town on his snowmobile hellbent on running over your dogsled team like a scene straight out of Mad MAX 

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The Mushers 

Early reports have indicated that a racer for this years Iditarod on Saturday, March 4th, could be crowned the youngest competitor to ever win in its long coveted history – the record stands at 25-years old earned by the legendary Dallas Seavey in 2012.


(Dallas Seavey Wikipedia)

Matt Hall – 24-year old Yukon Quest Winner is an early favorite. Matt has been a sled dog musher for 20 years. While you were sucking on your thumb, Matt was leading dogs like the Boss that he is across the frozen tundra like it was another Tuesday in Alaska.

I’ve met some badass people in my short existence on this planet. I’ve met dudes with double-digit combat deployments, crazy height defying photographers, rock climbing maniacs, Skydiving Sky Gods, elite athletes, but I’ve never met an Iditarod Musher. That’s next level badass. You and a handful of Ice Dogs vs. Mother Nature and all you get in return for winning is a pat on the back, a congratulations for a job well done mate, $75K and a new truck. Golfers get paid a cool $1million for coming in first, and they play in 75 degree weather. The hardest thing a golfer has to put up with that endangers his life is all the girls that swoon over him attacking him mid-stroke (zing!).

One of these days I want to interview one of these legends. As soon as Matt Hall was sired into the elite community of fellow Matt’s, he was destined for either greatness or infamy. Matt Hall chose greatness and was kicking ass and stealing girlfriends before he could say his ABC’s.

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(Anchorage Daily News)

Matt is going to have a lot of competition because he will be competing against the now well-established Seavey family.

Dallas Seavey – A multiple Iditarod Winner is officially the youngest winner earning the title at the time at 25-years old. From 2012-2016 a Seavey won the Iditarod. Dallas is the son of Mitch Seavey who won in 2013 during that time span becoming the oldest winner to finish at the ripe old age of 54. Dallas’ grandfather was also a musher and competed in the 70’s. Family Summary History – Stop, you’re embarrassing the rest of us.

Can my fellow Americans stop celebrating/envying The Kardashians and start envying The Seavey’s instead?! Kim Kardashian became famous because of a Sex Tape. And she’s celebrated across the streets of Hollywood for being someone who’s iconic. Imagine telling someone from the 20’s who Kim Kardashian is and how Americans view her in the public-eye. Then watch their heads explode out of pure disbelief and bewilderment because of the stupidity our small brains find amusing. (Disclaimer: listen I get it, I give props to the Kardashians for manipulating society and earning a bazillion dollars for existing. The greatest con the world has ever seen, an impressive feat nonetheless).

The Dogs

Imagine your wimpy dog sitting next to you like the lazy cute-filled clumsy ball of love that she is. Then imagine her being a badass. Plopping her from the couch to the starting line in Alaska with 10 to 15 elite Siberian Huskies and Alaskan Malamutes bread specifically to compete at the highest level. Your dog would crap her pants if she wore them.


(Sled Dog Action Coalition)

These snow lions travel across hardened snow, slippery ice, puddles of water, mud, fresh snow from the nightmarish blinding blizzard the night before—pretty much everything short of molten lava and pools of acid.

Throughout history there have been some iconic badass dogs to walk amongst humans. From dogs used in Wars throughout history, specifically Antis co-piloting fighter jets in WWII—to German Shepherds skydiving out of planes landing in the ocean and boating their way across to go chomp on some pirate ass saving scared hostages in the process—to these endurance-bred Ice Dogs running through avalanches as the devil himself is shooting Icicles from his jetpack at those who have the audacity to attempt this Great Race, and these dogs do it with smiles on their faces because their Dad told them to.

If my Dad told me to get out of bed and run 1000 miles, not only would I not be smiling, likely crying, I’d be throwing the biggest hissy fit acclaimed as the most iconic hissy-fit in modern history.

These dogs just say, Well can my pals come? Awesome

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My hypothetical crew of badasses would include:

  1. Iditarod racer/Ice dogs
  2. Astronaut
  3. Cowboy
  4. Submarine Surfer
  5. Fighter Pilot
  6. Human Cannonball
  7. Mother Nature
  8. Blogger

I’m pulling for Matt Hall to give us Matt’s another win for the world. There aren’t many of us greats. But the few and far between have a greater connection than any lesser of a name that people share ever could. If Matt wins the Iditarod, so do I. So I’ll be accepting congratulations on his behalf. Once an Iditarod Winner always an Iditarod Winner—Once a Matt always a Matt—same thing.

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