Human Hall OF Fame Inducts – Clint Eastwood

What a goddamn legend Clint Eastwood is. Dirty Harry. Josey Wales. BADASS of the Free World. Clint Eastwood is an icon, he can do whatever he wants and nobody bats an eye (except for those punk-asses on Twitter, follow me @TheAlbumWeb).

If you’re one of those political assholes who’s reading this to make an argument that CE isn’t worthy for The Hall because he argued at a chair in a political debate, that chair fucking deserved it! So don’t bring it up.

Fuck chairs. Anybody with a human brain blogs on the couch or in bed like a true badass, #TeamAntiChair.

Outlaw Josey Wales, Dirty Harry, Unforgiven, The Good The Bad and The Ugly, Million Dollar Baby, Gran Torino, do I need to continue because of how awesome he is? If you don’t like Clint Eastwood you’re either a respectable human because he’s just not your taste or you’re one of those cheeseballs who believe’s that the Earth is flat.

One of the most surprising things on his stat sheet is that he only has 4 Oscars. CRIMINAL. Born on May 31, 1930, in San Francisco, Eastwood became famous in Italy with Spaghetti Westerns like Fistful of Dollars (1964) and For a Few Dollars More (1965). In 1966 he famously acted in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, which turned him into an international badass.

Eastwood is a pioneer, being one of the first actors to combine hardass gunslinging protagonist with a humor side in Kelly’s Heroes (1970). This film doesn’t get mentioned enough in war movie discussions, but it’s an ALL-TIME classic and also features Donald Sutherland who happens to be a super rad tank driver.

Eastwood continued his glory kicking ass and taking names in 1971 starring in The Beguiled, Play Misty for Me, and made his debut as Dirty Harry. Eastwood’s success and rogue personality in the cop genre has been mimicked for decades, *I swear to aliens that if Dirty Harry gets remade like Red Dawn or the future Big Trouble in Little China I’m going to riot via Twitter*.

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After his newfound success with the Dirty Harry series like Magnum Force (1973) and The Enforcer (1976), Eastwood stumbled into a cult-classic The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976). I’d do anything for Josey. What a stand up guy who got fucked by the system and what he thought to be “loyal” friends. Everybody has been screwed over by a “friend” before. Now-a-days we cold shoulder those pricks, but not Josey. Josey goes on a gunslinging rampage upon all those who burned him, Falling Down Michael Douglas style, it’s a movie fans wet dream.

CE got bored with being a Western triggerman and went back to his Gung-Ho detective cop days in Sudden Impact (1983) where he trademarked the phrase, “make my day” in the fourth installment of the Dirty Harry series. He also dabbled in Pale Rider (1985) and Heartbreak Ridge (1986) for shits and gigs.

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Decided one more time to say the heck with this because he can, and did Unforgiven (1992) at 62 years old, getting his first academy award nomination for Best Actor and Best Director, ’bout goddamn time.

Hung up the saddle and became a Secret Service Agent in Line of Fire (1993), had a few unsuccessful films but who cares because he’s a legend then pistol-whipped everybody’s faces when Million Dollar Baby (2004) came out awarding him with  Best Actor/Director Oscars.

He then received awards for Mystic River (2003), went on to do Gran Torino (2008), and American Sniper (2013).

Oh yeah I almost forgot, he had babies and created this magnificent bastard – Scott Eastwood, pretty much the reincarnation of himself. All this dude has to drop is, “Eastwood, Clint, Son…at the bar and he freakin’ wins everybody over. Dude is so goddamn handsome even guys like me are like, “dude, chill out, you’re embarrassing the rest of us.”

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You can pretend to be a macho-dickbag like you’re not affected by his beauty OR you can realize that you need to gather up all you’re friends and go to another bar because you lost. You’re girlfriend? Stolen. It’s a travesty and I won’t stand for it but what the hell can you do? Might as well call it a night, become a wallflower, pound beers and Uber home. It’s not every day when a Justin Timberlake bumps shoulders with you, but when it happens, accept defeat, tuck your tail between your legs with dignity and sip some brewskis like a man.

Eastwood is alive and well at the ripe old age of 86 and is focusing more on the directors role rather than on-screen performances. A living legend and an easy choice for the prestigeous Human Hall OF Fame.


For some reason I’m expecting some flack for this inclusion I don’t know why, maybe because of how much of a man he is. He’s PEAK man. Maybe it’s because I’ve been looking at Twitter all day, maybe it’s because I’m weird, who knows. 

Tweet me @HumanHallOfFame for suggestions into The Hall or @TheAlbumWeb like I demanded in the beginning of the post

*All Pictures/Facts are from IMDb.com and Google Images*

 

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9 thoughts on “Human Hall OF Fame Inducts – Clint Eastwood

  1. I was just about to mention the chair! But then you told me not to mention the chair. So instead I will say this – the man has made some GREAT movies and his son is…

    Ahem.

    … handsome.

    Liked by 1 person

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