Sea Lions – Not to be Confused With Sea Cows

Two freaking blog posts in one day. Strike while the iron’s hot as the kids say. If you’re a conscious person then you saw that video of the little girl getting yanked into the bay by a Sea Lion. Then her hero grandfather jumped in to save her and the Sea Lion crapped his pants when he saw a pair of size 10 Loafers coming for his cranium.


How many goddamn times do I have to say it? Don’t screw with Mother Nature. Nature is savagery. Pure unrelentless mayhem. As you’ve seen in my Weekend Havoc posts, scroll to the bottom if you’re new, I feature a section called Badass Nature Fact. Humans are so stupid they have walked off entire cliff faces falling 100+ feet to their deaths while playing Pokemon Go. I wish I could say I’m surprised.

Then you got these dumbasses playing with the cute and adorable SEA LION. A lion of the fucking sea people. A Lion, I can’t stress this enough, not a kitty kat, not this monster Sea Cow below, a goddamn mouth-breather weighing a combined size of your entire family.

Sea Cow – probably shouldn’t mess with this dude while where at it

Sea Lions are used by the US Naval Mammal program to attack enemy divers, torpedo themselves into mines (I’m pretty sure this is a fact but not certain), and protect harbors. Imagine swimming along underwater in pitch darkness humming the latest summer country hit trying to pass the boredom as you mosey along in scuba gear like the badass commando that you are as you attempt to drop some mines off on an enemy battleship. Then some sea monster comes from depths of darkness and punches a whole through your sternum? Imagine THAT for a second. I’m waiting just imagine it, so breathtaking piss your pants scary I’m ehh’ing and ahh’ing at the mere thought of it.

Then one Saturday morning you and your family take a stroll down to the bay and see that same cute little sea lion, yet not so little or cute. Then you have the audacity to feed that beast some food. Chunk sized meat as an appetizer and a 60lb girl for lunch, not a bad day in the bay for Mr. Sea Lion.

Have some brains for me one time people. Read a book or at least respect that your in his world now. Like when that Somali Pirate in Captain Phillips high on Khat points an AK-47 at Captain Phillips face and says


You best respect him and sire him as the Captain ASAP or you’re a dead man. According to the trusty, another Sea Lion pulled his best Great White breaching impression and mauled a 13-year old girl almost to smithereens in Australia while waterskiing. Thankfully she survived, but Jesus Christ living in Australia must be a nightmare.


“An Australian marine biologist suggested that the sea lion viewed the girl like a ragged doll toy to be played with”. How do you Aussies live a fear-free lifestyle? Not only do you have to watch out for asshole humans on a daily basis, you have to be aware of every animal species on the planet. Literally, like at the extremist of forms too.

Blue-ringed Octopus, Box Jellyfish, Saltwater Crocs, Great Whites, Poisonous Snakes/Frogs/Bugs/Spiders/Vegetation, the weather controller badass Mother Nature herself, and now add Sea Lion to the list.

If you’re an Aussie let me know how life is going, must be a constant struggle, keep your head on a swivel mate!

Tweet me @TheAlbumWeb about your thoughts on Sea Lions, the incident, and how idiotic and terrifyingly unaware some people are towards nature


2 thoughts on “Sea Lions – Not to be Confused With Sea Cows

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