Girl Scouts Taking Credit For the S’more Is The Greatest Lie Ever Told

Un-freaking-believable. So no shit there I was…sitting in my living room thinking of some  Human Hall OF Fame legends to induct and I come across an article giving credit to The Girl Scouts for inventing the S’more in 1927. That’s the biggest goddamn lie I’ve ever seen and I’m not gonna let a bunch of young giggly Girl Scouts take credit for one of the most iconic summer traditions in all the land. Normally I wouldn’t bat an eye at such a feat. Bunch of innocent young tadpoles learning the craft as outdoors-women like it ain’t no thang one second, then trying to say they practically invented the fire pit because they grabbed a handful of sticks together surrounded by a rock base and lit it a fire! Not..so…fast *Lee Corso voice*.

Nothing riles me up more than things like this. You think 11-year old Sally thought up roasting a marshmallow, putting it on a Hershey’s stick of chocolate that sat perfectly placed on top of a graham cracker!? You’d have to be outside of your mind to think this perfect combination would be created by little Sally.

giphy3

I haven’t released a fury of eye-rolls as much as I have in one sitting as I have today. I’ve been “You’re killing me smalls“-ing it so hard for the last 30 minutes, I can’t stand it. Because I’m not one to bitch about things without providing factual statements on top of peoples eyeballs, here are some facts about the ingredients of the S’more

  • 1829 Sylvester Graham invented this cookie wafer
  • 1896 Milton Hershey invented milk-covered chocolate candies for the first time. 4 years later in 1900 Hershey Chocolate Bars were manufactured
  • The Marshmallow was put into manufacturing in the early-to late-19th century by French pioneers.

You think it took 27-years for somebody to coin the idea of the “some mores”? Where is one place where all the raddest inventions come into play? Especially during the time before the Internet where fact-checking was harder to come by. WAR.

I think the first S’more occurrence happened near a foxhole when some knuckle-draggers during WWI were taking a break from kicking fascists ass. They probably pulled a move straight out of Ruth Graves Wakefield’s playbook where they were supplied from Hershey himself with Chocolatey Awesomeness.

Putting their thinking caps together the soldiers huddled up, did their best Tom Brady impression, and break’d swapping Graham Crackers for Marshmallows and Marshmallows for Hershey’s Bars. Some wise guy was cooking a hot dog over the fire with a stick and the lightbulb went off.

The brain goes to extraordinary places in times of extreme boredom and suffering. They created this ICONIC snack and returned from war. Then one day Sally’s mom tells the Head Scout Leader that when Sally’s father fought in WWI almost a decade prior, he used these specific ingredients and called them S’mores. After eating and getting tired of a dozen MRE’s and hotdogs, the soldiers kept coming back for “some more”.

Then The Girl Scouts said, “Eff your dad the war hero and Summertime Snack GOD, we’re coining this for ourselves!”. And everybody fell for it because they are innocent loving Girl Scouts.

What side of history are you on? Do you think little 11-year old Sally invented the S’more or do you think some hardass WWI vet shivering his balls off in a foxhole praying a mortar round doesn’t fall from Heaven onto his forehead, came up with the invention?

If you’ve never had a S’more I HIGHLY suggest you indulge immediately. Find your local volcano, scale that beast like a boss, grab a beer, a fishing pole with a hook, a lawn chair, some S’mores and let epicness ensue.

 

*Featured Image from The Flaming Vegan and facts from Wikipedia*

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2 thoughts on “Girl Scouts Taking Credit For the S’more Is The Greatest Lie Ever Told

  1. I stand with Sally. I think you’re hugely underestimating the ruthlessness of Girl Scouts.

    Then again, I got kicked out of Co-Ed Scouts for setting a kitchen on fire, so there’s that…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think Girl/Boy Scouts are badass don’t get me wrong. But someone’s got to make a stand for those who get conned by the system. Little Sally has a thriving Girl Scout Cookie business now, had to lie cheat and steal to get there, respect.

      That kitchen…I’m sure that’s a long story…

      Liked by 2 people

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