Slingshots – Tiny, Simple, Deadly

Remember when I said society needed to introduce advanced taser weapons technology to be implemented alongside guns and lethal forms of weaponry with – The Greatest Weapon EVER Invented – The Taser? Modern Warfare is moving towards an age where the “super-soldier” isn’t a far too distant reality. Imagine a commando walking around the battlefield with a handheld slingshot that slings a taser ball that can incapacitate everybody in the room it’s fired into without actually killing anybody? Hostage situation Shmostage situation. Hey DARPA, need any idea guys?

I saw an article written by National Geographic – Ancient Slingshot Was as Deadly as a .44 Magnum. Bringing back old school memories of me as a child watching Alex from The Mummy Returns (2001) plucking bad archeological scumbags from a distance as they searched to uncover the ancient Imhotep to unleash him and his ancient Army of Mummies to take over the world.

Heather Pringle (A+ name, A+ potato chip), wrote this magnificent article, stating that in Scotland some 1,900 years ago on a fortified hill the Roman Army utilized a Slingshot that had the stopping power of a .44 Magnum Revolver. Dirty Harry  made the .357 Magnum Revolver famous when he asked some lowlife criminal to “make his day” and whether or not he felt lucky–“Do you feel lucky punk, well do you?”, as he stuck this pistol-sized cannon up his nostrils.

For context, the largest handgun caliber weapon that’s not a rocket, fires a .600 Nitro Express cartridge originally designed to hunt elephants. Though because of it’s strong recoil and painstakingly long reload time, it’s viewed more as a novelty handgun than an effective weapon.

According to Murray Taylor’s Jumping Fire, Alaskan Smokejumpers would often carry .357 Magnums or .44 Revolvers in case they ran into Grizzly Bears in the Alaskan wilderness. So if one of these pistol-bazookas can take down a grizzly, imagine what it can do to a human…

(Photographs by John Reid)

The article states that these baseball-sized spherical sandstone missiles known as ballista balls (left) and golfball-sized round lead projectiles (right) could be accurately launched from a skilled slinger at 130 yards away. Do you know how long and badass that is? That’s like me standing on top of Fenway’s Green Monster and shooting Jerry Remy between the eyes with a spitball while he sits in the announcer’s booth before the start of the game.

But what’s coming for your eyeball isn’t a tiny wad of saliva coated paper, it’s a can of whoop-ass thrown lacrosse-stick style at over a 100mph.

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(Pintrest Rick Johnston – Explore Ancient Rome, Roman History, and more!)

Psychological Warfare aka Terror Tactics  

In 10% of the ammunition thrown, little holes were deliberately drilled into these bastards so when hurled they would literally scream at the enemy as they flew through the air. Andrew Nicholson, one of the experts examining the artifacts stated, “the holes made a weird banshee-like wail”, he explained. “So you are getting these unworldly, unnatural sounds that you have never heard before, and people are falling over on either side of you”.

Personally, I’m Pro-Psychological warfare in some capacities, whether it’s video games, sports, jokes, whatever, it’s called being a Mental Giant, ever heard of it? If the surviving members of said battle return to their comrades and tell their commander of what heinous, inexplicable chaos the enemy released upon them, it’s going to do a few things following the CCC method; 1)Crap pants 2) Crush morale 3) Create more chaos.

More Practical Uses Throughout History

(Photos from Pinterest and War Paths 2 Peace Pipes)

Native American Indian Tribes employed slingshots as both tools used for hunting and weaponry used during battle. Because of the lack of supplies, man power and technology, slingshots were the perfect mechanism that only required limited resources to construct. A small price to pay for a huge upside in reward.

The styles of the slingshot mirrored those seen in movies like Braveheart, The Mummy Returns, and Apocolypto—handheld, hurled, and flung.

They launched missiles and large stone by multiple people if heavier loads permitted to do so. So in more relatable terms, you have these Native American Tribes to thank for the G-Force Xtreme 1000 Water Balloon Launcher as you once prepared to wreak havoc on the other kids in your neighborhood many moons ago.

Similar to how the Romans used large rocks and ceramic-like stone against the Scots, Native American tribes utilized the readily available ammunition from the forests floor along their camps against European settlers. Adding a lightweight tool that tribesmen would wrap around their wrists made it a significant asset to their arsenal.

Though the slingshot was more effective to hunt prey like birds and small animals, the tribes used them as decoys or “flush out” weapon systems to draw larger prey like deer towards their skilled bowmen.

Slingshots in Modern Warfare 

Slingshots were the precursor to the bow and arrow and now the modern day mortar and sniper. I’ve heard plenty of harrowing stories from US commandos fighting the wars overseas that a sniper controls the battlefield. And If there is a mortar team accurately lobbing in explosives on your position and one can’t fight back without knowing where it’s coming from, its mayhem.

Like I mentioned in my opening paragraph, imagine a group of commandos who look like Rita from Edge of Tomorrow who have a technically advanced slingshot on their hip?

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Also imagine if a bunch of commandos did look like Rita? Put some red and black camouflage paint on her face and she’s the scariest “Full Metal Bitch” on every continent on the planet. There is a reason she earned many names including the Angel of Verdun. The only comparison I can think of that tops that, is The Angel of Death, former Air Force AC-130 Navigator who dropped 400 40-millimeter and 100 105-millimeter rounds onto terrorists eyeballs while supporting ODA Special Forces teams as they inserted into Afghanistan weeks after 9/11.

Having an advanced slingshot that deploys a large ball that explodes tiny microscopic bolts of electricity that incapacitate the room could save thousands of lives. Civilian casualties in war zones could be decreased significantly. Law Enforcement hostage negotiators could use this method instead of deadly force.

Something to think about. I’m far too dumb to invent the system myself, but I’m more of an idea guy anyway. Drones flying above traffic to deliver mail and food? CHECK. Slingshot Taser Technology? CHECK. The ideas are endless and since I’m doing my best Leonardo Da Vinci impression , I might as well put them out there so people can falsely attach my name to the history books for thinking of the idea without actually putting any work towards it. The best con the history books has ever seen…

Discussion

  • What are your thoughts on the practicalities of the slingshot both in the past and for the future?
  • Do you think warfare has changed throughout history, other than just weaponry?
  • Do you think the slingshot can be implemented today like it once was?
  • Have you ever crafted your own slingshot?

Tweet me @TheAlbumWeb where I mostly comment on whatever is happening in the world, strange news, and complete nonsense.

Come to my Instagram @thealbumweb for pictures of food/drinks, books and beers, things that are an extension of the blog, and more. 

Links: National Geographic – Ancient Slingshot Was As Deadly As A .44 MagnumWar Paths 2 Peace Pipes – Slingshots / Popular Mechanics – 10 Largest Caliber Weapons / Allison Black – The Angel of Death

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