Human Hall OF Fame Inducts – Ben Thompson

Ben Thompson suffers from the severe illness known as badassitude. One day when nerds were writing about politics, sports, and pop-culture, Thompson torpedoed his way from outer space like an alien life-form coming to save humanity and crash landed on the Internet. He was tired of seeing the most badass people throughout history not get the attention they deserve. So Thompson told his alien pals to hold-the-heck-on from partying it up, strapped on his jetpack, and launched human cannonball style via Independence Day Green Death Ray to Earth.

He blessed the Internet with his glory detailing the most badass people on the planet once a week on Badassoftheweek.com and gained popularity by word-of-mouth.  He revolutionized the writing space and inspired fellow writers like myself to follow in his footsteps. He’s much of the reason of why I started The Human Hall OF Fame. Documenting the most legendary people from all walks of life – underwater photographers, OSS spies, innovators, film icons, and anybody who has done something extraordinary – because celebrities like the Kardashians are insufferable and shouldn’t get the same praise that someone like Ruth Graves Wakefield should. I try to leave the Badasses to Thompson because he definitely has a way with his words in that genre, but sometimes legends like Slade Cutter get the nod from The Hall.

Thompson is so kickass that Chuck Norris and The Most Interesting Man in the World had him ghost write for their book, though they would never admit the deed. Thompson has been getting after it for over a decade and has detailed so many goddamn badasses its a crime that more people aren’t aware of his mayhem. I’ve written about him many times detailing how his book BADASS is one of the few that’s the perfect combination between comedy and history.

I think the biggest crime against humanity is that a film director hasn’t contacted Thompson or the very least partnered up to make these stories come to life. There are 100’s of people on the list who definitely deserve a movie adaptation, plus it will hopefully shame remakes of classics like Red Dawn and Ghostbusters into the next galaxy along with anybody who thought those were a better idea than anything seen on Badassoftheweek

From his website describing his legendary status:

Character Background:  Ben is a full-time corporate wage slave who spends his spare time writing about things he thinks are badass.  He graduated from Florida State in 2002 with degrees in History and Political Science, and has run badassoftheweek.com since 2004. His first book, BADASS, was released by HarperCollins in October 2009, and his second book, BADASS: Birth of a Legend was released by the same publisher in March 2011.  In addition to the website and books he has also written humorous badass-related articles for Cracked, Fangoria, Penthouse, and The American Mustache Institute.

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How does someone who’s so awesome not become a household name? It’s because of frauds like Lena Dunham who adopt dogs from shelters, parade them around on social media for likes and attention, THEN return the poor guy because of “Behavior Problems” get all the headlines. The New York Times, The Washington Post, Yahoo, Daily Mail, and any other website that claims to be real news, should have a guy on-call every time a Badass is dropped.

The headline should read, “BREAKING: Our Boy Thompson Does It Again” or “ALERT: Western Culture is Still Banned in North Korea EXCEPT for Badass Of The Week”, followed by a montage and talking-heads wishing their daughters would marry him.

Some of my favorite Badasses of All-Time

Andrew Busic – When Taliban attacked his Forward Operating Base in Afghanistan, he drove straight at them in a pickup truck.

Eddie Loder – The most decorated firefighter in the history of the Boston Fire Department. (Massholes love fellow Massholes)

Yusef Alchagirov – 80-year old man headbutts bear, kicks it in the balls, is thrown off a cliff. He lives.

Andrei Sakharov – Created the biggest bomb in human history, received the Nobel Peace Prize

Mad Jack Churchill – The kind of ballsy WWII soldier who never went into battle without a sword

Jacklyn H Lucas  – Dude jumps on two grenades, falls out of an airplane. Survives.

Today August 4th, 2017, THE Human Hall OF Fame Inducts Ben Thompson, a revolutionary wordsmith, first well-known alien life-form who decided to bless the Internet with his brain, and one of the greatest humans of the 21st Century, THE 10th Inductee joins a prestigious group:

  1. Christopher Cassidy – Navy SEAL Spaceman
  2. Ruth Graves Wakefield – Chocolate Chip Cookie Goddess
  3. Slade Cutter – Athlete, WWII Submarine Commander, Flutist
  4. Louis Sebastien-Lenormand – Invented the Modern Day Parachute
  5. Clint Eastwood – Film Icon
  6. Gail Halvorsen – The Berlin Candy Bomber
  7. The Innovators of a Food Initially Consumed by Peasants – Pizza
  8. Bruce Mozert – Underwater Bartender/Photographer/Pioneer/Pilot
  9. “Jumping Joe” Savoldi – ND Fullback, invented the Drop Kick, Made the first “Red Bull”-type drink, kicked Nazi’s teeth in as part of the OSS

 

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4 thoughts on “Human Hall OF Fame Inducts – Ben Thompson

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it and it was an easy decision. You make me audibly laugh out loud mid-sentence reading each Badass. There are few writers I’ve come across where I stop, immediately send a text to my buddies and say, “Dude, read this NOW.” Are you writing up another Badass book? Or are you continuing the series targeting teen readers?

      Like

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