Anne Dieu-le-Veut Was A Ride or Die Buccaneer

Kinda Big Deal: Many female pirates and buccaneers shaped their appearance to look like men so they could live a life of piracy. Anne Dieu-le-Veut is one of the few who said, “Sounds lame. I’m just gonna wear what I want nerds and continue being awesome”, and owned that shit. Pirates and Buccaneers lived relatively similar lifestyles but hold different moral standards. I say “moral” loosely because these people were some conniving bastards. Towards the late 16th and early 17th-century, the names coincided as; if you were a Pirate, then you were considered a scumbag asshole and if you were a Buccaneer, then people considered you as a national hero. Confusing? A tad, but do we really care that much honestly? Precisely, no we do not.

“Let’s duel and maybe I’ll marry ya”

Anne Dieu-Le-Veut was a criminal who was such a pain in the ass that she was deported by the French government to the legendary Caribbean pirate haven known as Tortuga in the 1660’s. They forced her to marry a dude who was forgotten by history and had two children with him. Her husband died over reasons that are unknown, but for speculation purposes during the time period and entertaining hypothetical insanity – I imagine his death was perpetrated by a terrifyingly unpredictable sword-wielding maniac with soulless eyes who killed people by pulling out their tongues and beating them to death with it.

She realized that not only did the French government do her a favor, they unintentionally opened her eyes far passed life as a petty criminal and introduced the wonders of piracy.

She married to another man shortly after. They just got back from raiding nearby ports, punching a few Spaniards into next week and sailing a freakin’ battleship like they stole it ghost-riding it onto the shore next to a local tavern. Anne offered to buy the homies in the entire tavern a shot of rum, but before she could her clumsy husband bumped into a merciless Dutch Buccaneer named Laurens De Graaf spilling his pint all over his boots.

Captain Morgan hunted me then jacked my swagger

You can imagine what happened next as Anne’s ex-husband was slid across the bar by his face hitting every bottle, glass, and mug pilfering the remaining whisky, rum, and blood from their previous obliterated occupier. Thrown to the ground, the Dutchman equipped his Axe Gun and executed him.

Enraged, Anne followed the Dutchman out of the tavern, drew her sweet-ass sword along with her boomstick and challenged the buccaneer to a duel. Appalled to see a woman looking so badass and incredibly attractive all at the same time, the Dutchman got on one knee and proposed to Anne right there.

You and me both are SHOCKED to learn that she didn’t pump the Dutchman full of steel then force feed his dead body to the wolves lingering on the outskirts of the beach town for murdering her husband – rather she MARRIED HIM on the spot!

Plus, she didn’t even know who her new husband was! Kinda like how 50 said “Show no love, love will get you killed” after he  took 9 bullets tryna become a rapper, now he’s a bajillionaire. Anne wanted to get rich with someone who could make it happen. That’s the literal definition of Ride or Die.

But her husband at the time sucked at being a pirate and didn’t have the self awareness to know that he wasn’t the most savaegly insane person in the room or else he’d be alive right now and making that booty.

Fans of the booty

His mistake, shame on him. Anne Dieu-le-Veut, which translates to “God Wants” and “God Wills It” – because of course it does – looked the Dutchman in the eyes, didn’t say a word, and walked like a boss to his ship and demanded the crew to prepare to set sail.

According to the very limited sources about her life, she was viewed by her fellow swashbucklers as a good-luck charm. Typically women were viewed as bad luck while on ships, that’s why legendary female pirates like Anne Bonny and Grace O’Malley dressed up as men so they wouldn’t be perceived in this manner.

“Look a hat….aaaand you’re dead”

Oldest playground trick in the book. It’s almost impossible to not to look at nevermind try to catch the hat as it’s thrown in your direction. That’d be my go-to move if I was a pirate. Any who, there isn’t much left to tell about Anne, other than that she went on to do some badass adventures with Laurens De Graaf and were incredibly feared as a couple.

De Graaf was considered to be the Devil in human-form by the Spanish and nicknamed the “Scourge of the West” by the Dutch. The Devil and God teaming up as a combined force is the most mentally crippling and pyschologically exhausting thought an adversary can have. The very thought that keeps military strategists up at night.

There are many theories of what happened to the couple. Some historians state that her and her children were captured and held as hostages before their release three years later. Reports say they settled in Louisiana. Others said she fell off the map entirely to never be heard from again.

The story doesn’t end there, one of her daughters pulled a move straight out of her mother’s playbook and challenged a man to a duel. And won, of course.

Now the story ends. How touching.

Links: Mariner Museum / Awesome People You Never Heard Of / The Cross and the Cutlass / Mental Floss /