The Time A War Stood Still To Massacre A Population Of Murderous Wolves

my life just flashed before my eyes

Wolves are some of the most underrated four-legged carnivores on the planet. They are feisty, tenacious, intelligent and certainly make far better life decisions than the average hooligan who willingly attends a Cleveland Browns game for the sole purpose of entertainment. These creatures should never be confused with coyotes, their wimpy counterparts by comparison. Wolves are savages who hunt in packs, follow a social hierarchy, develop pre-planned attack scenarios, and scare the living daylights out of humans across the world. They are mental giants and should be treated and respected as such.

One instance in particular, occurred in World War I during the winter of 1916-1917 located on the Northern part of Vilnius-Minsk region of Lithuania and Belarus occupied by German and Russian forces. As soldiers from either side hunkered down in the bitter cold in anticipation of the enemy’s next assault, bloodthirsty Russian wolves were lurking a short distance away preparing to kidnap a soldier and bring him into The Upside Down.


Because of the snowy hard-packed ground and harsh eye-splitting winds, one would have to be insane to live in these conditions, unless of course, one was fighting in a war. The food was scarce, the morale was low, and what remained of wildlife was practically non-existent, except for a wild pack of wolves that numbered well over a hundred.

These Demogorgons were so goddamn hungry that they were slowly becoming immune to the fear of constant artillery barrages, gunfire, tic-tac-toe mind games, toxic gases lingering in the air, and screaming that occurred daily on the battlefield. Their goal was to one day eat a delicious human even if they felt shame when soldiers in passing told them to piss-off and git, ye smelly old dog. 

The first wave of attacks started as lone wolf assaults while the pack waited from a distance. As soldiers would separate to take a wee-break, a sneaky wolf would ninja his way and sweep the leg of an unsuspecting soldier as the pack rushed to inhale some prime human filet.

With quick successes, the wolves confidence heightened and their boldness peaked as larger packs of them attacked platoon-sized elements – and they didn’t discriminate in their targets. An old school mexican-standoff ensued where Wolves were eating Germans, Germans were shooting Wolves, Russians were shooting Germans, it was chaos.

the office guns

Both the Germans and the Russians were losing significant numbers while the wolves, however, suffered very few. Team Human tried everything within reason to control the problem. They shot at the elusive packs with their mounted light machine guns, poisoned small rations of food they laid out as traps, and chucked grenades some distance that would make even Johnny Bench proud, and yet, these tiresome wolves kept up the tempo.

Finally, enough was enough. German and Russian soldiers convinced their commanders to approach one another to discuss a temporary truce to stop kicking each others asses. In the meantime, they’d team up and send these war beasts back to hell.

They enacted a plan, hi-fived though they weren’t happy about it, and moved out with fixed bayonets, semi-automatic submachine guns, pistols, slingshots, portable spitball devices, grenades, super-soakers, and ticked-off attitudes.

Hundreds of wolves were feeling cocky for spilling countless soldiers’ guts across the red-stained snow. With nowhere to hide and the inability to work in the shadows, Team Human rolled up on the exposed wolves like Gandalf unleashing the calvary at Helm’s Deep and slaughtered the pesky scrap-eaters. The remaining wolves thought the fight was unfair and left the area to avoid the similar fate of their brethren. After the problem was solved and was staying solved, the Germans and Russians tip-toed back to their foxholes, gave each other a quick thumbs up for a job well done bros, and continued killing each other again, like the war never stood still.

Links: Breaking It Down / War History Online


One thought on “The Time A War Stood Still To Massacre A Population Of Murderous Wolves

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s